Quick crit please

Hi,

This is run up of a presentation board I have done for a recent project. It’s just a first draft but I’d really like your thoughts on layout, etc and the product if you like.

I need to get it to the printers pretty quick so any comments are welcome, feel free to be as harsh as you want. Its A1 format and supports a presentation, however afterwards it has to be self standing. It more about product than process.

Thanks,
Ed

The text reads:

1 - The aim of the project was to design and develop a method for participants in snowsports activities to take good quality digital photographs and short video clips whilst stationary or when in motion with minimal disruption to their chosen activity.

2 - The product incorporates a camera lens into the top centre of the snowsports goggles. The system is controlled by a trigger device from inside the user’s glove and photos and videos are displayed and stored on the control unit which is kept inside the users pocket whilst the product is in use.

The system allows the user the benefits of digital photography whilst participating in their chosen sport without the need to remove gloves or any other equipment.

3 - Features
Continuous video recording of over 1 hour
3 mega pixel still photos
Photo and video review screen
Integrated microphone
Control of video and still functions from remote trigger
Power control from remote trigger
Automatic shutter speed sensor to allow motion photos
Available in a range of goggle colours
Battery insulation to allow use in subzero conditions
Advanced airflow system to prevent fogging
Flexible trigger suitable for all snowsports

Here are some suggestions that i have. Overall it sounds pretty good, just a few tweaks here and there.
1 - The aim of the project is to design and develop a tool that allows snowsport participants and enthusists (sp?)to take hight quality digital photographs and short video clips while stationary or in motion, with minimal disruption to their chosen activity.

2 - center is spelled incorrectly. do you need to use the word “whilst” or will “while” work?

“whithout the need to…” change to “without having to remove or add extra clothing or equipment.”

3- maybe move the “available in a range of colors…” to the end, since it isn’t really related to the feature surrounding it.


I hope this helps! Good luck!

centre is splet correctly - proper English from England

And so is “colour”, but you didn’t pick up on that, eh?

I think it’s pretty good, you HAVE registered the design already, right?

Thanks for the comments,

Well spotted guest, us British and our crazy old fashioned spellings!

Protectionwise - I’m afraid there isn’t much I can do. I’m not eligable for a patent, well not one that’ll protect me in anyway and registering the actual design as a design right won’t do me much good either. However if anyone out there is going to steal my idea at least drop me a line so I can get some credit (or give me a job).

Anyway I be delighted to hear any thoughts on the layout, design or product. Feel free to be a critical as you want, I’ll be glad to hear any opinions.

Thanks,
Ed

It is a nice presentation… And a cool idea for a product… The few things that are coming to mind it that the views of the products are not large enough… I also am so attracted to the figure on the page, at first I thought it had something to do with toy design, the guy is really cool looking, but very distracting from what the concept actually is… I am not sure who will agree or disagree with that, but for me I look at first glance I want it to be total clear what the presentation is trying to convey… Sorry I cant speel either, so excuse any errors in this reply…

I made a few changes. Made the centre picture the largest as it offers the most information, and shurnk the side view and the manaquin.

What do you think? Better, worse, indifferent?

Cheers,
Ed

great attempt so far, layout wise I like the product images and the figure.

you could make it better by finding a focus for the text. the font selection, size, and configuration could be reworked, it feels a bit too small and also a bit monotonous. try adjusting the spacing, and using more than one size of text in the main body to provide some visual relief. the googles would look better isolated visually on the page instead of overlapping with that black bar.

alot of times with presentation boards people get bogged down with too much information. but really you want to catch peoples attention and convince them in a short amount of time. find a focus. alot of english is redundant and sometimes a few key sentences and images are all that is needed. there is also the option of saving the more detailed information for a second board, as not everyone is going to be interested in all of the specific functions, etc.

If you think the figure is too prominent, shift him from left to right. We naturally look for information in a flow from top to down and (in the western hemisphere) from left to right so by laying out one of the product shots to his left and above him, you will de-emphasize him.

:)ensen.

I would back up the last posters comments about the dude in the corner. I personaly would ditch him and concentrate on promoting what the product does rather than how it looks. Some still shots from the viewers perspective might help covey the idea better.

Good Luck, I assume this is a graduation project.

Thanks for the comments,

I’d been reworking the layout before I read the above replies and heres what I came up with. I decided the side view wasn’t really adding much and taking attention away from the centre image so I dropped it and enlarged the centre image.

I think this also takes prominenance away from the figure. Comments?

As for the text. Do you think I should drop the ‘the aim was’ and ‘the solution was’ crap and just concentrate on the product or do you think that, that stuff’s worthwhile.

I’m a bit worried that without it people won’t really get the problem if thier not skiers. I tried to comunicate the problem here for non-skiers.

Thanks,
Ed

Just going on what everyone seems to be saying about removing emphasis from the figure, I just faded him out quickly. Improvement?

Thanks for the comments, its all been really helpful.

That is so much better and less distracting…

more suggestions-

  1. ALL UPPERCASE IS HARD TO READ. I didn’t even bother.

  2. Add closeups of the features that you are trying to show. I want to see them not read about them. Add leaders that point to the features. You would be surprised how few words you can use.

  3. Talk about it like it’s real. The concept is clear - don’t need to talk about the aim of the ‘project’- I get it.

  4. What is that thing in the background and why is it not in focus?

  5. Show what the images would look like. Are they wide angle? Important to see what this thing produces.

  6. Only use the feature list to describe the design. Sounds like it came off the side of a box.

  7. give it a name.

  8. diagram how it’s worn.

That is so much better and less distracting…

Just wondering if you were talking about the faded figure or the larger centre image. I’m not too keen on the faded figure. Also it means my red colour isn’t consistant.

I’ve dropped the ‘my aim was’ ’ my solution was’ stuff to just concentrate on the product. Also I split up the information to go next to the respective parts. I tried call outs and arrows but it looked terrible. Also I put some pictures taken from the goggles on.

The reason the feature list sounds ‘off the box’ is I wanted the poster to almost have an advert feel. I felt that without the specs it would be had to evaluate the usufullness of the product. Comments?

So here it is. Do you think its an improvement or am I going the wrong way. Thanks for all the comments so far.

The text now reads:

1 - The product incorporates a camera lens into the top centre of the snowsports goggles giving photos and videos from a perspective almost identical to that experienced with a traditional camera or video camera. The displacement between the camera lens and the user’s actual view is less than that found when using a normal camera viewfinder giving extraordinary accuracy and ease of use.


2 - The videos and images are stored on a control that is kept in the users pocket while the product is being used. The control unit contains the product’s batteries, memory card, processor and a review screen. Advanced options such as photo and video quality and erasing of data are controlled using the buttons on the unit.


3 - The flexible trigger system is designed to work seamlessly with skiers, snowboards and disabled users and allows them the control of power, start and stop video and take photo functions without removing the control unit from their pocket.

The system allows the user the benefits of digital photography whilst participating in their chosen sport with minimal disruption and no need to remove gloves or any other equipment.

4 - Features
Continuous video recording of over 1 hour
3 mega pixel still photos
Photo and video review screen
Integrated microphone
Control of video and still functions from remote trigger
Power control from remote trigger
Automatic shutter speed sensor to allow motion photos
Available in a range of goggle colours and lenses
Battery insulation to allow use in subzero conditions
Advanced airflow system to prevent

Just going on what people where saying on making the figure less dominating. Do you prefer this one to the one above?

Thanks.

P.s. - I need to send it to print tomorrow so any comments would be greatly appreciated.



Take opinions with a pinch of salt,

HAVE CONVICTION AND CONFIDENCE IN WHAT YOU DO!

You can continuelly tweak these pages forever, moving text and imaging around… It is a good presentation, and a nice page… Go with it…

For anyone who cares, i went with the second last one posted.

Thanks for the help

the dude in the corner. I personaly would ditch him

yeah I agree the dude is too cartoony. It makes your cool idea look a little corny with the cheesy snowboarder guy. He is a little distracting and I think he messes up your scale, the goggles are too small on his face. You might try using a grey silhouette. I think it is important to show the goggles scale on a face, but giving the figure too much character distracts from your object. So make it simple and subtle and worry about nailing the scale.