Go ahead be MEAN!

i would love some constructive crticism on my coroflot portfolio samples.

www.coroflot.com/donnasmith

How about blunt instead of mean :wink:

Your first paragraph reads pretty badly:

“STOP!.. if you want endless energy, passion for design and constant dependability I am the designer you are looking for. Although I have little professional encounters, my enthusiasm to learn and internal drive to succeed will match any number of years of experience.”

…how about:

“If it’s boundless energy, a passion for design and dutiful dependability that you seek, I’m the person for the job. My enthusiasm to learn and internal drive to succeed will be an asset to your company.”

…“STOP!” is condescending yelling, “Although I have little professional encounters” is redundant for an intern and overly negative, “internal drive to succeed will match any number of years of experience” comes off as naive even for a student, and any good manager (likely who has earned said years of experience) knows it’s incorrect.

The sentence: “Seeking an internship to utilize my skills and acquire professional experience in graphic design/illustarion.”

… illustration is spelled wrong.

Under Education:

“B.A. Graphic Design, B.A. Fine Art photography concentration, Minor- art history”

…seems to state that you’ve earned two Bachelor of Art degrees, one in Graphics Design and one in Fine Art? Is that true? If not, it’s confusing.

Good luck in your search, and hope this helped a bit…

thanks for all of your corrections. Although I think the STOP! is effective in getting attention when the viewer is simply scrolling through countless portfolios on the site. Yes I have earned two degrees. Do you have any comments on the work itself?

i just posted some of my work up here as well. also no comments on mine. i have no id experience but i’m getting the feeling that id folks aren’t too keen on criticism. i know when i was studying fine art we’d sit around and literally lambast each other’s work once a week not only to become better and more accurate critics, but to become adjusted to taking criticism, even strong personal critiques.
i can offer some from my perspective (BA Art Hist.). the figure drawings are weak. i would not include those. i bet you have some photography that would better occupy that slot. seeing how you took at least 3 photog. courses i bet you ended up with the skills to capture something on film worth showing.
thom

The work is good. And I guess being a graphic designer there’s no need for sketches showing the process. The vitamin thing seems very cool. Maybe more explanation on the Dream Cards and More photographs. Cause we don’t really see that part except the Shampoo and taht could easily have bee gotten off the internet. So if you have two degrees show us.

Also I agree about the STOP…it should go. Otherwise fix the typos and add some pics and it’s all good

Also there is a portfolio section that should post should have gone in…

Once I scan more of my photography work in I plan on showing it. Thanks for the input, I did get rid of the STOP, the typos should be all fixed, and the figure drawings are on their way out… thanks for all the feed back I really appreciate all of your comments

This site is frequented by ID folks as you have seemed to identify. I personally usually don’t comment on graphic work as I do not work in Graphic Design. There are some GDs who frequent this site that may be more helpful. I think that some of the other ID’s may feel this way too and that is why you are not getting the responses you are looking for.

As long as I am responding

I think the letterhead for the Shampoo identity is too dependent on the images, which are nice images in and of themselves, but I personally would prefer to see more graphic, less literal imagery. It’s just that the images and their composition seem to overpower the typography which is really where the identity currently lies. It is hard for such a realistic image to take on the identity of a logo and therefore become part of the identity. This is why logos are usually simple and graphic in nature. An identity needs a symbol, a logo. Any images as realistic as what you are presenting here is just to complex for the mind to boil down to an instantly recognizable symbol. The image seems to be more successful on the business card, possibly because it is not broken up into pieces like on the letterhead (which again is nice, but possibly not suited for an identity) making it slightly less involved.

I am just thinking that if the image(s) detracts from the typography, it will certainly also pull attention away from the rest of the information you are trying to communicate.

I do think that these would work for advertising.


The lower image on the vitality vitamins looks very nice, and it doesn’t seem to be missing much that the top image has. I would consider removing the top image as it is not as nice.

Keep up the good work

I find that your samples are a little cluttered. I think that you should try to find help in the area of layout and balance. There is alot of conflict in your pieces. Although sometimes conflict is good in some cases, like I kind of see it working with your colorful cards, it isn’t good in other areas. For instance the Shampoo business cards. The grainyness of the picture, and the added filters you used creates alot of conflict in itself. Furthermore you added more conflict by squeezing the text into a small area. The contrast is high overall. So all you have is alot of conflict. I do however like how you used the PHI proportion on the business card, but I still feel that you forced it, rather then tried other approaches. Sorry if I’m sounding mean, I’m just trying to give you a real critique.

ok