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Wow, if this scenario is in fact true, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but, Deez is right. Manage it by moving on. You made it creepy when after she told you she had a boyfriend and then you told her you liked her. It’s creepy when you’re married and get jealous.
Good luck ever getting fully back in her good graces. As for the other women in the office - it’s an excellent possibility they know. We talk.
I could go on about your having an emotional affair with someone else and then rationalizing it by saying that she was flirting, but like you said you’re already pretty down about this so…
It is easy to say just get a new job. If I lived in Cali where most ID jobs are it would be different. Not in this case. At times I do feel that I am in her good graces but there are times that Im not. That is when my anxiety roars.
Truthfully, I work in a very small company and I must say that I contribute allot to the bottom line. However, I do feel that I am not respected like I should be and certainly this scenario does not help. There are senior people there that will always be that even if I work there for 20 years. Eventually I will leave. But I have a house morgage and a family to think about eventhough I have no kids yet. Saving is key at this stage.
One thing that I want to add is that I have not cheated in my 4 year marriage and 7 years total with my wife.
I feel like such an idiot because whatever I felt before about this girl then does not harbor in me now. I feel double-crossed whenever I think she might have siad something and I know she probably have. I dont want to hate her if I dont have proof she told. If one day I do find out she told, I cant really blame her for something I siad to her. There are vultures in my office that love gossip and are wiating to unleash this information out in the open to see me crumble. But I wont if that happens. I cant believe how my world turned so quikly by just saying one sentence.
Yes I know I have a messed-up user name; I made it up years ago and I know people will make fun of that. I actually dont smoke; I thought it was a funny name before.
The Core77 soap opera. Deep.
Deep enough for you to post a reply.
Man I go on vacation for like 3 days and miss all this? Deez, what the heck was the post?
Anyway, its easier said than done, but I agree with the alleged Deez post (quote that one)… move on dude. Instead of worrying about what this chick thinks, worry about what your wifey thinks! after all you live with her…
I might be biased because my wife is a therapist, but couples therapy would probably not be a bad idea.
…and don’t worry about silly log in names picked years ago… I’m in the same boat, but I got to roll with it now…
awesome… that was the core equivalent of a “your mom!”… I love it.
This item is also posted under “Off Topic”, which is where Deez’s first reply is.
Years ago, when I was first trying to come up with something mothman-esque for my first (and last) AIM identity, I couldn’t believe how every possible iteration of mothman had been taken, and I really hated the idea of adding a stupid number or state abbreviation to the same. The only term that worked (and something that has continued to work to this day as a wonderful login, mockery from my coworkers be-damned) was, and is, “gaygaruda.”…
mothy
Log in names, don’t we all get stuck with them?
As for my 2 cents on this, I don’t know what to say. You’re hurt because you feel ‘betrayed’ that she had a boyfriend she didin’t tell you about all the while you didn’t talk about your wife? Hello? No wonder she lashed out at you if she liked you as well as you say she did. You just handled it wrong, methinks. But what the hey, we’re all throwing in what we think.
Log in names as a topic is more interesting than work-related romances. I’ve had really good luck with Mr-914, it is normally not taken, or at least it wasn’t when I started using it for everything back in '96-ish. The only downside is when a website or program won’t allow me to use a hyphen, or demands that I put numbers before the letters in a login (why?). Because of that I’m mister914@…com at a few addresses, or mr914 at others.
With regards to the romance: Dude, you blew it. When you are married and you tell a woman, “I like you”, she is going to hear, “I’m a misogynist pig who is desperate to sleep around”. I know that’s not what you meant, but that’s what she heard. Now everyone in the office thinks you are just cruisin’ the women in the office for a good time. Basically, you are screwed until you find a new job.
so far no one has given you advice on how you can remedy the situation, i got you playboy!
here are some solutions:
say at the time you had just done a ton of marker rendering, because everyone get a little goofy after using those things for a prolonged period of time…
say you are a polygamist…
you recently converted to islam but none of that new age stuff for you, say you are “old school” and you wanted to add her to your harem…
you were “high” at the time…
deny it ever happened…
admit to having multiple personality disorder…
say it was an April fool’s joke…regardless of how faraway from April the incident happened
one these may solve your office conundrum, of course they each come with their own set of problems. but it could be worst, right?
but good luck!
hopefully you learned your lesson though -no mackin’ at the workplace homie, it is not a good look…
****TO DEEZ: Im a little lost in translation. help me out!
what is a “work buddy monkey”?
“UNjustifiably jealous psycho” Love the blast by the way!!!
“Classic non-alpha male” explain.
Let me fill you all in on how me and this girl got along. We had a love for music and talked/listened to it dialy. We exchanged, made, and borrowed CD’s. Thats what got us very close.
There is one other male designer in the room and she often called me out to go to the store, inventory room, conversations, etc. She always looked for eye contact when entering and leaving for the day with a smile. One other woman at our company openly joked about us having an affiar. This girl has the oportunity to have her desk somewhere else but chooses to sit with two guys; even now. I talked to her about a hiar style one day and the next day she came to work styling with it. Basically the girl wanted to be around me rather that other people, but when other coworkers got suspicious, she wondered a bit when they were around. Ive had girls as friends before so I know if a girl wants it to be platonic. That fact is that we have gotten dangerously close and I was honest with my feelings, but if she would have mentioned she had a boyfriend earlier, I would have put myself in check say 6 months ago.
****This is why I was jelouse when she told me she had a boyfriend.
I cornered her when she siad she heard a song at a bar to watch a sport and I asked did she like that sport. She hesitated and fumbled in her speech. I was wiating to see what was going to come out of her mouth but before she could say it I had already knew. Then she finally siad “my boyfriend” after a long awkward pause. Then immediatly she says it had been for only 5 months almost appologetically.
****Everybody at my office atleast mentions at one time that they are in a relationship. It is normal people. That means she could have lied during valentines day when I asked her did she go out. I may have been brief about talking to her about my wife but SHE OFTEN ASKED ABOUT HER. I feel set up like Mike Tyson at a Robin Givings single party.
The Punchline!!!
****If you combined all that I have siad here and match it with a girl with an A+ figure long hiar and attractive, and your wife works late and comes home 2-3 nights out of the week at 9-10-11pm your minds would drift too my friends.
I know you all say that I have to stop thinking about it but it is kind of difficult when you work side by side this person. Any other suggestions on how to get my mind off of it?
This will be all that I have to say about this topic. Thanks all for your comments.
here’s an idea: stop wasting time thinking about this girl, and put all that energy into your work; just channel it into design. Put half that energy even. Get over it. Life is short. If you can choose where you sit, get away from her.
awww. it’s a “she made me a mixtape!” scenario.
ugh. you’re kind of gross. and creepy. and i’d divorce your sorry ass if i were your wife.
but all judgements aside…treat it as a break up?! instead of meekly attempting to justify your completely unjustifiable jealousy accept your feelings as is and move f’ing on. you’ve broken up before? ya know…with like…a girlfriend?..like in highschool?
if this story is half-true, i got one more thing to add to my “why i shall never marry” list.
Stop saying that I should move on. I get it.
I am not jealous as I was that one day. The next day I forgot about it.
When you guys sit next to someone for 8 hours a day and only see your spouse for 3 you will see what I mean. Not to mention that this person is flirting with you, says she has a boyfriend and dont tell you, and possibly rats to fellow female workers about what happened. How would you feel.
I went to Vegas and Amsterdam “red light district” with my wife and been with her for 7 years and not ever cheated. I got blasted here, lets hear what youve got to say about the other party folks.
Here’s a concept you seem to have forgoten…YOUR MARRIED!!! Move on and quit being the creapy guy in the office. Also by the sound of it you might want to watch out for sexual harassment.
Obviously you haven’t forgotten about it.
When you guys sit next to someone for 8 hours a day and only see your spouse for 3 you will see what I mean. Not to mention that this person is flirting with you, says she has a boyfriend and dont tell you, and possibly rats to fellow female workers about what happened. How would you feel.
I think this has been driven home a couple dozen times, but you reacted in an unproffesional way (how could you do this to me, I have a crush on you). People are flirtacious- it might not be professional, but its how some people just go about things and often times its harmless. Its ‘safer’ to be flirtacious with a married guy perhaps in this woman’s mind, assuming you have a solid commitment and healthy relationship. Apparently the percentage of hours you spend with your spouse is innadequate and therefore acting a bit skeezy is justified.
Deez maybe was right- in the future if you want to go through with that affair, don’t act like a 7th grader. Plenty of married guys(and girls) get it on with co-workers-they have bad judgement and are overall ass holes but they probably use some sort of logic like you. Do you want us to tell you to go after your co-worker?
Should I discuss this to my wife or just live with it?
I know most of you will not because why risk the change of divorce and unforgivness. I never hid anything from her so this is wieghing on me.