just had a notion, free for anybody to use as I am not going to draw it up.
“up up and away…” the solution is a 30 meter long piece of kevlar line that is spooled up in a tiny battery powerd winch that is attached to the bike. When you get where your going you look around for something tall, a tree, light post, balcony, sign. You then toss the end of the line over the tall thing and hook the end to the bike. Using the wireless remote (ala keyless entry unit) you engage the winch and zip it up out of the reach of bad folk. When you return, key the winch, lower the bike, stow the line and away you go. 
“cant steal what aint there” Using newly developed nanotech light bending materials you render the bike invisible, better have a good memory as its going to hard to find.
“bag o bike” using quick disconncets and a simple folding frame system (been done to death) you put the bits in your bag o bike and hump it into your cube.
“oh god its ugly” take high quality ridig components and dress it up as the most hiddious thing you can think of, smeared with fake dog poo/vomit/colors what ever so even the most desperate would look else where…strong ego required.
have fun, I did