That last one looks much more fluid and fun! The very first one was a good sketch, but I wouldn’t worry so much about the shadows being a bit off (I hadn’t noticed until I read it!). I think bringing in some stronger grays into the contours would do a lot to make the cameras curved form pop from the page.
I personally find that a sketch that is too absolutely precise and accurate loses its ability to communicate well. It’s somehow much harder to look at ultra precise ideation sketches than loose ones for me.