Well, there’s no time like the present to get honesty, I’m frankly appalled that your professors let you get this far without telling you this.
Right off the bat, starting with an off the cuff reference to homosexuality on a public forum is a terrible display of judgement. People who hire you want to make sure you are someone who makes good decisions. You failed to demonstrate that.
Your portfolio site as yo said best I would describe as “Cringe worthy”. It comes off as someone once telling you “the best way to get a job is to get noticed!” - and that in the design field is not the full statement. In design “the best way to get a job is to get noticed…for having fantastic designs and skills!”
The comic book style of your portfolio would be great, if you were a top notch illustrator who wanted to go into a field that demanded storyboarding or illustration. But it comes off as joking, and the majority of content I have to sift through to see your work is Michael Scott or infomercial dialog like “But wait theres more!”.
Your resume (which is also hidden below more awkward content) has the infamous “skill sliders” which say you are a master of sketching and MS office. When I look at your sketches, they come off as what I would expect from a second year student, which leads me to believe that if you aren’t humble enough to realize you have a huge amount of improvement to do, you also would not be a good hire for a Jr. Design position.
Unless you are going for a very specific opportunity in the snarky Spencer’s Gift’s kitsch industry, I would seriously reconsider your presentation and overall approach to dealing with adults.
The things I care about when looking for a new hire:
-Skills and thought process - how well can you sketch, how many ideas can you come up with (and show me via sketches) to solve a problem, and how do you decide what concepts to move forward with. How you translate that into a 3D model is important, but less so depending on the industry you are looking to enter. Sketching however is ubiquitous across all design professions.
-Communication - your portfolio and resume are the first chances I get to see how you communicate, and in general I care very little about your resume other than where you went to school, if/when you graduate, your tool set (I don’t care about skill level, that will be immediately obvious in your portfolio if you are a master of CAD or have never opened Solidworks) and any relevant work experience. When you bog me down with nonsense I can say “wow if I hired this guy, he would sit around all day throwing nerf balls at the ceiling and trying to stir up conversations about Game of Thrones before he got to the actual design work”. If you are not a graphic designer, don’t be. Look at people with successful portfolios on Coroflot/Behance and copy their style. I would rather see a clean grid of great design work with ZERO text than I would a diatribe with Alex Trebek hiding in it.
-Attitude - see my previous comment regarding “Sketch Master” - if you can’t be honest and humble and say “yes I’m working on improving my sketching by sketching 3 hours a day because I realize my old projects were weak, but here’s a link to my Sketchblog” I would say “well those old sketches were crap, but I won’t hold you accountable for work done 2 years ago if your thought process was solid and you’re consistently looking to improve”. What you’ve done is the opposite of that and it comes off as extremely cocky.
Ultimately I care least about your personality. Are you a quiet shy person, are you a loud boisterous prankster? If you do great work this is the easiest thing to look past. I work with plenty of horrible, arrogant and inappropriate people who’ve stuck around because they do great work.
I would take the advice above, and think very carefully about how you can first work on improving your body of work and skills. Compare yourself to other new grads on Coroflot and honestly ask yourself if you think you could go head to head with them in a stack of portfolios. Until you feel comfortable with that you need to work on improving your skills. Once you feel comfortable with your work, put it in a simple and straight forward presentation. Save the sly jokes for after you land the job and have actually established a relationship with the people around you.