Brian,
This is definitely a challenging task for all sketching compilations at an early level. Looks like you’re well on your way!
I would recommend cleaning up your blue pencil sketch which is obviously level one in your hierarchy. Move it up some so it isn’t off of the page. This is what every viewer will see first…make it awesome.
Next, I would recommend deleting some of the thumbnail sketches in the back…or at least redo and resize to make these visible. Despite being lower on the hierarchy, if you can’t see/understand what it is-delete it.
Finally, (and this should be step number 1) consider how this page fits with your overall grid structure in your book. How do the floating titles fit and what is guiding placement for everything on the page. Its great to have a free flow with sketches but text and prominent features should take this into heavy consideration.
Hope it helps!
Patrick